Pounding The Pavement

Due to recent events, I've been looking for a job. I've always nurtured the fantasy that if I were laid off I could spend my days in artistic pursuit without the hinderance of a boss or a place of employment. I'm officially employed for two more days but I don't have to come to the office anymore. I check in via smartphone and send a few sporadic emails as needed. Despite the fact that I haven't officially entered the world of unemployment, I'm already antsy. I have to keep lists of things to do so I don't end up spacing out on the couch. I've learned over the last several months that life is more about balance than the quest to cast aside everything that does not seem to be part of the so-called master plan. I have been able to pursue my passions while still kowtowing to The Man. As I like to say, I may not be that crazy about The Man, but I sure do love his benefits and paychecks.

While I've been in Still Employed But Not Really Working Limbo I was lucky enough to land a couple of interviews at a hotshot startup (name deleted for obvious reasons). My initial phone screen was a breeze as was the first round of in-person interviews (or so it seemed). Unlike other startup interviews, I was asked about my actual job experience. It was clear to me that I could do the job with ease and add a lot of value. I left the office with the usual dash of uncertainty but could say that I wasn't nervous and calmly presented myself. Unfortunately, the company did not agree with my self-assessment. I'm pleased that they proactively reached out to tell me that they're moving forward with someone else as I've been left completely in the dark by other companies who chose not to update me or return my queries for status.

Sure, I'm not too psyched to be rejected but this was a job that I really wanted. It was the first opportunity in a few years that I was eager to pursue. In the past, I reluctantly accepted offers of employment because I was ready to get off the couch and breathe some fresh air. As I thought about it, I realized that the people who interviewed and rejected me were probably 9 or 10 years old when I started my career. It's both humbling and humiliating. For a while, I've been telling myself that I want to “go back” to the cool dot-com scene where people come to work dressed however they like, partake of the free food and beverages, and generally feel good about being inside the Internet Palace that so many people wish they could enter. I'll be honest- it's a great feeling. When I thought about all of this last night, the words “go back” really struck me for the first time. I heard “go back” as “go backwards” to something I've already done. It occurred to me that I've been trying to get into companies overrun by 20-somethings when I haven't been a 20-something for more than a decade. In my last cool dot-com job, the only people older than me were the CEO and the head of HR. Almost everyone else was younger than me, including my boss.

I'm not suggesting that I'm too mature or that these younger people are not as smart as me. In fact, the young people I've worked with are among the most talented people I've had the pleasure to be around. I sure as hell wish I had it together like them when I was their age. But I wonder if this dot-com quest is another way I've been clinging to the long-faded ideal of youth. Have I been chasing these jobs down because I want to feel young by coming to work in super casual dress?  I don't sit around and think of myself as an old guy but there are differences between people in their 20s and people in their 40s. As this is all new I'm still processing these thoughts. However, I'm starting to wonder if it's time to get out of the sandbox and start playing with kids my own age.