As I’ve discussed previously, I’ve been in a job for the
past year that I never liked. For most of the time, I had to drag my feet out
of the elevator and down the hall to my seat.
About four months ago, I had an epiphany: the job is neither sucky nor great; it simply
IS. Along with that epiphany was another
insight: I can choose to let my job define who I am OR I can consider my job to
be the place where I have to pass the time so I can get the paycheck I need. Ever since that time, I’ve come into the
office without a care in the world. I’ve
also found numerous opportunities to explore the things I’m truly passionate
about. My creativity has soared as a result.
All of that came crashing down last week.
Over the last few weeks, there have been two mysterious men
in our office who turned out to be consultants hired to get this sinking ship
of ours back on track. As soon as I
realized that most of the meetings they had were with HR, Legal, and Finance,
it became obvious that Step 1 of the resuscitation of the company was going to
be in the form of “weight-shedding”.
About a week ago, I received a BCC email regarding a mandatory update
meeting at 1PM. The person across the
aisle received a BCC email invite to a 2PM mandatory update meeting. My neighbor received an invite for a 4PM
all-hands meeting that I didn’t receive.
At that point, I emptied my desk and took a walk to kill some time.
At the appointed hour, I showed up to the conference room
with my packed bag. About 6 or 7 other
folks streamed in afterwards. On one
side of the table were the two mysterious men.
As people entered, they made awkward pleasantries (“How’s your summer
going?” “Watching the Olympics?”). They eventually
announced themselves as consultants who were hired to take over the company to
finally achieve profitability. The rest of the meeting was so by-the-numbers that I felt
like I was in a movie:
- Overview on how the company is at a critical juncture
- Announcement that “unfortunately, your jobs were affected”
- Statement that this wasn’t about personalities and how “hard this is”
- Reminder of non-disclosures and non-compete clauses
- Gregarious gesture to go home for the rest of the day
- Another reminder of non-disclosures and non-compete clauses
- Offer to provide job placement assistance
- Q & A
- Dismissal
Since then I’ve been coming in for a few hours a day, soon
to trail off to a couple of days per week.
As I’m not hustling to get here early, I’ve been spending more time in
the gym working on the extra five pounds I gained by eating chocolate all
day. I consider myself a Dead Man
Walking. Everyone at work knows that I’m
one of the “affected resources” so they don’t really pay me much mind as they
know I’ll be gone soon enough. The
collar of my shirt was tucked into my shirt and no one seemed to notice. While a couple of folks have been kind enough
to ask how I’m doing, some people are afraid to talk to me or look me in the
eye. They treat me like I’m a cancer patient, as if my affliction may affect
them if they get too close. Perhaps my
predicament is reminding them of their own mortality. As almost half the company was let go, the
survivors may be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As I walk around here, I feel like a ghost. I can see what’s going on around me but no
one seems able to see or hear me. I’m a
completely detached observer to everything around me in the office. It doesn’t
matter if I’m sitting here or not- their day will not be affected in the
slightest by any action I take. It’s not
the warmest feeling in the world but I’ve been occupied with thinking about the
next chapter and taking advantage of the fact that I’m being paid to do whatever
I want for the next few weeks.
I’m not panicking at all.
In fact, I’m looking forward to ending this chapter and moving to the
next thing. The feeling of
claustrophobia that I’ve had for the past year is gone. Instead, the world is feeling wide open to me
right now with a myriad of choices to make.
I haven’t felt this empowered in years.
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