I've been checking out the new Cometbus anthology “Add Toner- A Cometbus Collection” that Last Gasp just put out. For the uninitiated, Aaron Cometbus has been putting out his zine Cometbus since the early 80s. The fact that someone is willing to publish a zine comp in 2011 is a nice little reminder that the small press underground has not been completely obliterated by the blogsphere and e-world. Every issue of Cometbus has been handwritten and assembled in true DIY bare-bones fashion (though I'm not sure if they're still xeroxed). The zine has covered Aaron's travels around the country (and more recently, around the world, as documented in his recent memoir of touring Asia with his old friends in Green Day). Over the years, he's documented his life as well as the lives of punk rockers and other under-the-radar types who dwell outside the bankers' hours existence that for many defines the epitome of American existence. In this compilation, Aaron covers the years 1998-2002 when he was living in Asheville NC, St. Louis, as well as his hometown of Berkeley. He documents the romance, travel, and (of course) music that shaped his life in those years. The section on Berkeley, “Lansky", ties all of this together as it covers a decent chunk of Berkeley history and sites as well as Aaron's own history growing up as a punk in Berkeley. The stories are chock full of the eccentric characters that weaved their way into his life. Rounding out “Add Toner” is “Back To The Land”, a collection of interviews with those who have chosen to abandon city life for simpler living and “8 Out Of 10 Days”, a collection of previously unpublished stories. Having been a fan of Cometbus for over 15 years, one undercurrent that has always resonated with me is Aaron's journey of growing older while embracing the punk DIY ethic that's guided him all these years. I've always pictured Aaron as a monastic punk who survives on just the bare essentials. He always seems to travel light and because of this, he's not forced to make decisions that are based on the necessity to accumulate goods or preserve an expensive lifestyle.
My reading of this collection is particularly interesting timing for me as I am now closer to 50 than 30. I've been thinking a lot lately about where I am in life. Hey, I have it real good these days so I am hardly suffering. But each day, I put on my middle-class uniform and shined shoes before hustling to a really big gleaming office building where I put in 9-10 hours a day doing work that is virtually meaningless to me beyond the fact that every 2 weeks there is money in my bank account that was deposited there by those who own my soul. When I was in my 20s I had a notion that I'd get older but somehow maintain my youthful spirit but somehow life got in the way. I've sworn repeatedly that I would never again take an office job but when The Man came around jingling the dough and bennies, I was roped like a steer. I've admired the way that Aaron has been able to keep true to himself all these years. His simple living reminds me of the old saying “that which you possess also possesses you.”
Somewhere along the way, I made a decision (or perhaps an indecision) due to a perceived need for more stability in my life. Perhaps complacency has led me to a point where I am yearning to do something more fulfilling with my life besides helping some wealthy people become even more wealthy. When I see my company's executives beg their investors for more money, I know that the master plan is to ensure that the fat cats get fatter and not to necessarily build something that will sustain all of us. If the grown-ups at my job pull off their scheme they will walk away very wealthy and re-convene down the road to start up the engine once again in an entirely new setting. Frankly, there's no reward for me if/when this happens. In fact, it could very well mean the end of my job.
So what separates someone like me from someone like Aaron Cometbus? Is it plain old fear? Is it attachment to what I think I need to have in my life to be content? Do I lack humility? I really don't know and I guess I'm processing my mid-life crisis in front of the handful of people that will actually read this. One of the motivations in starting this blog was to provide myself with an outlet where I can express my true self as a reminder that some ember of that still exists. The destination at the end of this is a mystery to me but I'll never know if I don't take steps in the direction that is calling me. You've just finished reading a small milepost on the quest to figure out where to set the sails.
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